The Raw Insight of Marriage or Any Couple

It has been a while since I have blogged. I have had some bumpy months. Although these past months were filled with many emotions and lessons I can honestly say that I do not regret them. I have to see the silver lining. The bottom line throughout all of these months: I learned again that the man that I married is not only my best friend, but my absolute heart.

Marriages always have their ups and downs, the secrets, and the greatest of memories. Every one is always so full of advice but no one ever wants to get down to the grit of it. No one tells you that you will have to learn to forgive and in some cases, forget. They hide the fact that some times you have to refresh things and some times, fall in love again. They lie about going from being in a relationship to getting married changing things. They also lie about how much children change things.

I feel as a mother it will be my sole responsibility to educate my children when they embark on a life of marriage or partnership with a person about the muck no one else wants to tell them. I felt like I had a curtain pulled away from my eyes when I had my first son, and now that I have been with my husband for fourteen years, I feel that the blurred is now sharp. Do I feel bitter? No. I feel enlightened.

Throughout the turmoil and the days when I felt like I could not possibly stand on my own two feet I found that I have angels at my back pushing me up and an extra set of hands and feet are keeping me pillared. My husband has been the mountain that never bowed even when I tried to knock him over. It is very true when you build a life with a lover that if they really love you they will stay no matter what (and I am not talking no matter what in cases of abuse, etc.) He stayed. He pushed. He held. He wiped tears. He yelled. He soothed and he said nothing.

There are times when we do not give our partners enough credit, or credit at all, when it should be given. We are not perfect and forget things, say things, and do things. What is important is to say that you are sorry, mean it, forgive, and move on. -And some times, forgive eventually. You are cultivating a friendship, a deep bond, not just a marriage. One does not drop when the other one starts and so many people lose sight of this and that is when a marriage can fail or break through the barrier.

I have a deeper respect for those that have successfully stayed together for many, many years. What I mean by successful is that they still are very much in love and not just living in the same house together. I understand that there are so many things that can break a couple apart. So many tragedies and some things that people are not willing to forgive and let go–BUT–I consider losing a pregnancy right under the worst things that could tear a couple apart (the first being the loss of a child). With that said, our loss could have torn us apart, but it did not. I cannot for the life of me look back and reason how it did not, because every thing seems like a blur. I only know without any doubt that if it were not for the man that I married I would not be where I am today.

I had always wondered before what people meant when they said they fell in love all over again and often thought “why would you need to?” I get it now. If we are lucky it happens over and over and with it comes a much stronger love than before. Even if it means climbing up the mountain, climbing out of quicksand, and swimming through the strongest currents. Sad to say that it also means there will come a time when you must tell people, no matter who they are, to stay out, and learn to ignore opinions and chatter. A relationship belongs to you and your partner, no one else, and in the end, it is yours not their life that you have to live. It is absolutely worth it when a connection is rendered unbreakable. There goes that saying, “If you can make it through this, you can make it through any thing.” Absolutely true. At least they did not lie about that.

 

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Photo Credit: Valerie Vasquez

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Helping Hands

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I have three little boys sick with colds. Plus one is teething. To say that I am exhausted is an understatement. Today has been filled with an early rise to wash my floors since my four year old decided to “wash” them for me last night with hand soap. I had to start the laundry and clean the bathroom. Let’s not forget I also start my dinner early because my four month old requires a lot of attention right now. Normally, I do all of these things any ways, but when your kids are sick and they keep you on your feet it becomes a day filled with ‘have to’ instead of ‘normals’. 

My nights are currently filled with some ones little foot jarring me in the back or a child crying for mom. It is those moments you do not dare try to get daddy to go instead because they are sick and want mommy. It is important that you respond to them and it is vital that you reassure your own worries that they are fine and sleeping.

I can never fall asleep right away after tending to one of them. It takes my body a while to come down from the initial jump start which makes it even harder to get out of bed come morning. It is these days that I anticipate the quick passing. It hurts me to see my children in pain of any sort and just miserable. Especially my four month old. He is too little to give any thing and some times home remedies are not enough.

Of course, the worst part of having a house full of sick kids is the aftermath. I get to clean every thing all over again and disinfect. Do not forget to air out the house either. The thing I loathe the most, my body completely says, “Okay, now it is your turn to crumble.” -And I do. Despite my efforts to remain healthy. I end up getting wiped out and depending on my husband to man the bases.

Of course, through all of this there is a silver lining. I have heard that it takes a village, but I never really understood until these moments. I call in reinforcement. I know that if I do not get better soon which requires good rest, it will be a disaster. These are the days and weeks I am completely thankful that not only is my husband a great partner, but my mom, my sister, and mother-in-law become life savers. They do not try to over-parent me, but do exactly as I ask, help. When that time comes for me to become a grandma I pray that my kids let me return the many helping hands that I had while raising them. This is one of many things I constantly remind myself I MUST keep in rotation.