Where do I start? I have been with my husband for fourteen years. It does not feel like it has been very long but people beg to differ. We were fifteen when we met and at sixteen decided we were in love. I have been told we are the “fairytale” couple. –That scares me. That feels and sounds like a taboo.
I do not, we do not, aspire to be a fairytale any thing. Our journey has not been perfect but we have managed to figure things out and stick together. I do not by any means think that people perceive our relationship to be perfect and dubbed it a “fairytale”. I know they feel like we are the perfect example of working things out and keeping things smooth. I understand not every relationship is the same. There are couples that like to argue, couples that are indifferent in many ways, couples that put up a facade and I know there are couples out there like us that scarcely hit any bumps.
People scoff at me when I tell them we hardly argue. It is possible. How? LOTS of communication. I have to say I learned a great deal from watching other people around me. I saw what they did or did not do in their relationships. I decided to take the good key elements and use those to build the foundation in mine. So far, it is working.
The biggest thing I learned was to never withhold any thing. Money, feelings, opinions, and especially love. I have watched relationships fail because two people focused on the financial aspects of things, some did not speak when they should have, others did not want to tell the other what they really thought. I know some want to cool down before entering into discussions, but some just avoid confrontation all-together.
What works for us? We do not walk away from each other. We try very hard not to yell because frankly, when one starts to yell no one is listening. We decided a long time ago we would not ever call each other out of our names and we would talk until we worked it out. A major pet peeve of mine, seeing couples bicker or cut down each other in public. Words hurt, name calling hurts. We refrain because you cannot take those things back. I do not want people to look at either one of us and have pity or prejudge any part of our life. A heated moment does not represent my relationship. A public heated moment makes for fools and does not properly represent any person.
I know it sounds corny, but Cliff and Claire Huxtable had it right when they said they agreed to never go to bed angry. So, we do not. I love my husband dearly and the last thing I want to remember is a bad moment, a moment I missed in loving him because tomorrow is never promised–or any next second for that matter. That last sentence probably represents my relationship to the core. I never want to leave this earth without saying or doing every thing I could have or should have. I do not want regrets, or any loose-ends. That is why I feel communication is the biggest key to our successful love.
When you gain the wisdom of being able to live each day as if it were your last, to love with every ounce inside of you, and to be the best person you can be, you become infinitely grateful for the things most people have not. Whether you think so or not, it also propels you onto a positive path for your life. Every one wants a positive path. Every person also deserves the best from you at least once. If they have blown that chance, walk away. No harm in saying you are done.
So, I ask you, did you part ways on a good note or a bad note? –And how does that make you feel?
Mama Val Wines 